Building Your Social Confidence


Do you have Social Confidence or does the thought of mixing with people fill you with dread?  As I sat on a train recently, on my way to a training conference I relished the time I could take on my train journey to have time to my self, to catch up on reading and to do my most favourite pass-time – people watching! Yes, I love observing people! As I did so, I noticed just how much people were “connected” yet in my view, they were connected in all the wrong ways. There were so many sat with not just one device, mobile / laptop/ tablet, but most that I could see from my seat had two things on the go at the same time!!  This is really not going to help our social confidence.


It got me thinking…

Our most valuable communication skills

These days, the way we talk, connect and communicate to each other is increasingly computer based, but the loss of face to face communication and interaction is having a negative effect on our society and our own social confidence. In my coaching and hypnotherapy practice this is all too apparent as I see more and more clients who are socially isolated or socially uncomfortable or lacking confidence in being able to communicate.

As we communicate less in actual face to face social interactions we start to lose some of our most valuable communication skills and even younger people are coming to me feeling a lack of confidence or feeing uncomfortable in social situations or at work and school. As I tell my children

“as human beings we are supposed to speak to each other it’s what sets us apart from other animals on the planet!!’.

OK, so I know that we are using programmes like Skype or Facetime which will help the communication, mainly because we can get some of the visual cues by seeing each others faces when we speak, but it is just not the same as being there with the person. As those young people grow do you wonder just how prevalent this lack of confidence of social skills will affect them? Does it already affect your social confidence now?


Someone without these skills can look and feel isolated and is not prepared to meet the requirements of a social circumstance; things like celebrations, events and weddings are a real problem as well as in work related situations like meetings, staff or shift changes, team work. It can prevent someone from being able to progress in their job or even their life if they struggle with relationships generally too. A person with low social confidence skills can often feel self conscious and worry about

“what will people think”

They also can become panicky, flustered, blushing, have difficulty speaking, believe they will say the wrong thing, will ‘look stupid’ and more then adopt a coping mechanism or a protection for themselves by withdrawing from situations or ensuring they say nothing.

Increase Your Social Confidence

By combining coaching or hypnosis with different therapeutic techniques I can help you feel more comfortable and more socially confident quickly and easily. I can assist you to feel more self-assured but that is just not the whole story. Sometimes there are particular events which have happened in the past to knock their confidence like being picked on or mocked at school. Continual comments from critical teacher perhaps or some other person of influence are also causes of diminished self-confidence. When the power and emotion connected to these old events is reduced or even removed then you can move forward more easily without those old emotions being triggered in your current everyday life

Of course, coaching and hypnotherapy treatments have limits and it is only part of the therapy. I do not have the elusive magic wand (sorry!). So as well as the work with me in the therapy room I would also advise practicing making more social contacts and having more physical connections with people.

Using Visualisation to Help You

We can rehearse these in particular way first – called visualization. When we visualize an event or situation happening whilst in the therapy room, the benefit is that when we do it for real our brains believe we have already done it, so it is easier and more comfortable. (There’s a nice bit of neuroscience working for you!)  When you increase these new social relationships, possibly just be joining a book club or going to a meeting – (the type of social gathering is irrelevant) as long as there is a communication and interaction with real men and women it becomes easier and easier.

So with this process, I will be helping you to feel assured and at ease. You can gradually build your self-confidence on the solid foundations we have already laid down. This way you can increase your social confidence to create permanent change in levels and increase confidence in social situations.

Now, stop reading this and get out there and practice chatting!


I work with people in a private therapy setting providing clinical hypnotherapy, NLP, EFT, EMDR and Coaching.  I am committed to helping people with a variety of issues and do my very best to enable my clients to make positive changes in their lives.

Find out more at and read about testimonials from people I have worked with.

If you need help incorporating any of the above get in touch for a complementary telephone consultation and learn how I can help you incorporate easy things in your life.

This post discusses: anxiety, calm, confidence, health, Hypnotherapy, mind, panic, Social Confidence, social skills, visualize, worry
Emma Langton

Emma Langton

Executive Leadership Coach

Emma hosts the Lessons for Leaders podcast. Each week she brings you lessons, learnings, tips and advice to enable you to lead with ease in business, without stress, doubt and overwhelm so that I help you to increase your performance, be resilient and thrive in life. Emma has been providing coaching, training and therapeutic support for executives since setting up her business in 2011. Prior to that she spent over 20 years with people at the top of national and multi-national training and communication businesses.


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