Are you on of those leaders who looks like they’re coping?

You appear calm. Composed. Capable.
On paper, you’re successful. In meetings, you’re professional.
Your team sees you as the one who has it all together.

But inside? You’re exhausted. Overthinking. Spinning plates while feeling like they could all crash at any moment. This blog is for you. And so is my coaching.

Because I work with leaders and business owners who look like they’re coping… but know they’re not.

Why Leaders Who Look Like They’re Coping is Common

It’s incredibly common.
People in senior roles often carry the weight of expectations – of being seen as strong, organised, emotionally steady.

Society seems to expect leaders to cope with all the pressure. And in the fast paced world we live in these days, with technology making sure we’re always switched on, always contactable .. leaders become adept at giving the impression they’re coping and feel they need to glide through all the tasks and situations; having a handle on everything.

Leaders often tell me ‘I don’t want appear weak’ by admitting they’re not coping.

But the truth? Many are paddling furiously underneath.

That’s what I call The Swan Effect – graceful above the surface, frantic underneath.
And it’s where my coaching for leaders who look like they’re coping really begins.

The Hidden Signs You Might Not Be Coping (Even If It Looks Like You Are)

You might recognise yourself here:

• Constant low-level anxiety, even when nothing is “wrong”
• Feeling mentally overloaded and physically drained
• Struggling to sleep or switch off at the end of the day
• Snapping at home while keeping it together at work
• Living in your head, questioning if you’re doing enough – or too much
• Craving rest, but feeling guilty when you take it

You’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

There are so many Leaders Who Look Like They’re Coping who work with me.

You’re simply stretched too thin, for too long.

How Coaching Can Help You Feel in Control Again

Working with me is not about becoming “better” at juggling.

It’s about deciding what’s worth holding, and letting go of what’s not.
Through personalised sessions, I help you:

• Reclaim time, space, and headroom
• Build sustainable resilience (not just grit)
• Make confident decisions without second-guessing yourself
• Drop the pressure to perform and be seen as perfect
• Create real balance in work and life

You’ll learn how to cope differently … not by pushing through, but by building inner calm, clarity, and control.

Real-Life Coaching for Real-World Leaders

I don’t offer fluffy solutions.
I work with busy professionals, executives, and business owners who live in the real world of deadlines, teams, and life admin.

I also live it. As a coach and carer to two adopted children with trauma and special needs, I understand what it’s like to manage intense personal responsibility and public expectations at the same time.

For example, we look at what’s important.  It might be that you really need that sleep, instead of staying up late and being the leader who looks like you’re coping and trying to get everything done. It might be that we prioritise for you to get your sleep. Is it that simple? Maybe.

We all find it hard to function when we are tired. Never sacrifice your sleep, always prioritise it. Maybe it’s something else you really need, you personally. Through coaching, we help identify these things and also where the positive impact will be so that you DO cope, and more than that.

This is coaching for leaders who look like they’re coping, but want to feel like they’re thriving.

Let’s Stop the Pretending. Let’s Get You Real Support.

You don’t have to keep paddling beneath the surface in silence.

My coaching helps you shift from:

• Overwhelmed → Empowered
• Burnt out → Balanced
• Performing → Feeling genuinely in control

If this speaks to you, let’s start a conversation.
Because you deserve support that fits your reality—not just your role.

👉 Book a free clarity call
👉 Explore 1:1 coaching options

You might have heard the term emotional bucket floating around (excuse the pun), but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how do you know if yours is overflowing?

Let’s break it down, because understanding your emotional bucket is more crucial than ever in 2025.

What is an Emotional Bucket?

Your emotional bucket is a simple but powerful way of visualising how we store feelings — especially the tricky, tough, or heavy ones.

We’re talking about everyday stress, anxiety, self-doubt, feelings of not being good enough, and even the more hidden emotions like shame or embarrassment. Add to that the pressure of rising living costs, job insecurity, digital overwhelm from 24/7 connectivity, and social comparison from endless social media scrolling… well, it’s no surprise that many people’s buckets are dangerously close to overflowing.

When these feelings build up (whether slowly over time or quickly after a tough week), they sit quietly in our emotional bucket. The problem? If we don’t learn how to release or manage them, the bucket eventually spills over. That’s when we start to feel like we’re at breaking point.

How Can You Tell If Your Emotional Bucket is Overflowing?

There are some pretty clear signs, if you know what to look for. You might notice:

• Feeling constantly overwhelmed or on edge
• Bursting into tears or snapping in frustration over small things
• Struggling to concentrate or make decisions
• Feeling anxious, irritable, or trapped in negative thinking loops
• Difficulty sleeping, or waking up already feeling exhausted
• An ongoing sense of “I just can’t cope anymore”

Sound familiar?

As a coach and hypnotherapist, I work with people every day who feel like this. The good news is, we can do something about it.

If you’re looking for help to manage the overflow of emotions then coaching and hypnotherapy can be really helpful to give tools to empty your bucket or rebalance your emotions. Get in touch here to book a call to discuss more.

What About an Empty Bucket?

Interestingly, a completely empty emotional bucket isn’t healthy either. If your bucket feels empty, you might experience:

• Emotional numbness
• Feeling fed up, bored, or detached from life
• Constant tiredness, even when you’re resting
• Low mood or signs of depression
• Struggling to find motivation or enjoyment in things you once loved

We’re aiming for balance — not an overflowing bucket, and not an empty one either.

How Coaching and Hypnotherapy Can Help Rebalance?

In 2025, many of us are juggling more demands than ever, and while self-help tools are brilliant, sometimes you need deeper support. That’s where coaching and hypnotherapy come in.

As a coach, I help you identify what’s filling your bucket in the first place. We work together to build resilience, set healthier boundaries, and create coping strategies tailored to your life. It’s not about adding more to your to-do list — it’s about clearing space for what truly matters.

Hypnotherapy goes a layer deeper. It helps you access your subconscious mind, where many of these emotional triggers and patterns live. Through hypnotherapy, we can gently release the emotional build-up, reduce anxiety, and develop a more positive, calm mindset. Many clients describe it as finally turning off the relentless mental noise.

Together, coaching and hypnotherapy create a powerful toolkit for maintaining emotional balance.

Everyday Tools to Lighten Your Emotional Load

Alongside professional support, there are plenty of small, daily actions that can help ease the strain and either empty your overflowing bucket or fill an empty one.

Here are some tried-and-tested favourites from my coaching clients (and from my own experience too!):

• Spend quality time with people who uplift you
• Limit doom-scrolling on social media (a big one for 2025!)
• Get outside — nature has an incredible way of grounding us
• Move your body in any way you enjoy — dancing, walking, yoga
• Nourish your body with healthy, satisfying food
• Try mindfulness or breathing exercises to calm your nervous system
• Get creative: painting, baking, gardening, or even doodling
• Take a tech break — let your brain recharge
• Listen to music that boosts your mood
• Explore alternative therapies like massage, reflexology, or aromatherapy
• Visualisation exercises — imagine your emotional weight floating away in a balloon or drifting out to sea (yes, this really works!)

Most importantly: give yourself permission to pause.

Start Balancing Your Bucket Today

This term isn’t just a nice metaphor — it’s a real way to understand your mental and emotional health. If yours feels unmanageable right now, please know that you’re not alone.

Through coaching and hypnotherapy, we can work together to create space, release what’s weighing you down, and build the emotional resilience you need to thrive in 2025 and beyond.

If this resonates with you, please do go to my contact page and drop me an email or book a call to discuss how coaching and hypnotherapy can benefit you to keep your emotions balanced so that you have fantastic yet simple ways to control your emotions.

Emma Langton has over 13 years experience in supporting leaders to enhance engagement, performance and wellbeing. Her coaching, training and speaking is valued by individuals and organisations across the UK for getting results quickly with her straight talking Yorkshire style.

Often referred to by her clients as the boundary queen and the resilience goddess, she shares her passion for progress with practical tips and advice so that her clients improve leadership skills, reduce stress and pressure and elevate wellbeing. She regularly provides insights for BBC, Forbes, Metro and also has a podcast called Lessons for Leaders with 100 episodes.

Paul McGregor joins Emma to talk about Challenging the Stigma of Mental Health.

Paul is a Mental Health speaker and founder of Everymind at Work.

Listen in where we talk about

• The key reasons Paul does this work in the mental health space
• What we mean by a sliding scale of mental health
• The biggest mistakes organisations make
• The big thing that helps to tackle stigma
• The one thing Paul says we need to think about

Listen to Paul talking about his business:

– how he got into talking about mental health

– how he partners with organisations on mental health, and

– the key product of having an app that provides support

Plus, he shares more info and reasons why his key mission is to help employees to feel safe about the challenges because of the stigma around mental health.

Paul also shares some of the detail about how he handled the death of his dad.

Listen to the conversation about the stigma around therapy and Paul and Emma sharing their experiences of therapy.

“mental health is a difficult for thing, especially for men to talk about”

Listen to Emma’s short story about a client of hers with crippling anxiety and how he said “I don’t want to be seen as weak”.

How do we provide support to people in organisations to stop them before they’re needing time off.

Why there is need to embed into strategy and culture.

Paul talks us through examples of his first tip to everyone (that I completely agree with)  Start with Why! Why are you looking at mental health support?  This is where to start with plans, rather than what you are doing.

Listen to the conversation about the importance of senior leaders sharing their stories or struggles and how it can be so powerful and create trust.

The one big thing that helps to tackle stigma (get employees sharing).

Get in touch with Paul at

http://www.pmcgregor.com/

Any questions on this, drop me an email at emma@emmalangton.com

For further information on 1:1, group coaching or training get in touch.

Join my corporate leadership and wellbeing newsletter HERE

If you want to be increasing your performance so that you’re more resilient, less stressed in these current times, so that you can focus easily, use tools and techniques to deal with all the current and unknown challenges then make sure that you send me an email or use the online diary and arrange a time for a chat.

Not all of us get oodles of holiday time over Christmas.  After the couple of years we’ve had it’s important to set boundaries and ensure that you get time for you AND time to prioritise and enjoy Christmas in a way that works for you.

Listen in for my six ways to set Christmas boundaries.

Listen in for my story about how I let go of perfect and the different perspectives I learnt from that experience.

And listen right to the very end for my Christmas message to you too.

Regardless of how many days off you have, the Christmas season is a time to switch off, properly. It’s the middle of winter, energy is low, and the Christmas break is the closest our fast-paced culture comes to hibernation.

We all need time to switch off and refuel.  Every learning and growth cycle includes a period of quiet, a period for rest and recuperation. It allows us to come back stronger, renewed, ready to go again.

So if you want 2022 to be your most effective, powerful, satisfying year yet, it starts now by setting Christmas boundaries.

Here’s are my six ways to set Christmas boundaries:

1. Prioritise
2. Limit Work Time
3. Make Time for Fun
4. Have an Escape Plan
5. Let Go of Perfect
6. Be Present

If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on social media so that more people can enjoy the tips and advice.

Join my corporate leadership and wellbeing newsletter HERE

If you want to be increasing your performance so that you’re more resilient, less stressed in these current times, so that you can focus easily, use tools and techniques to deal with all the current and unknown challenges then make sure that you send me an email or use the online diary and arrange a time for a chat.

This ‘swan effect’ – it’s common; appearing calm and together on the surface, yet not quite showing all that’s going on.  Deep down, there’s feelings of anxiety, not coping, guilt or failure. Maybe your stomach is churning or the pressure is building and you feel like there’s a weight on your shoulders or something heavy on your chest. Perhaps you’re just tired, beyond tired and short tempered? I know. In fact, that’s been me – frequently.

With two adopted children who have extensive trauma and special needs, life at home can stressful and demanding. Sometimes it can feel like its demanding all the time actually, especially when a day or week seems to be fully of phone calls from schools, strops and meltdowns each morning and night, more time and more care is needed for all those things which should be simple and straightforward. I know.

So what can you do to get back to feeling like you are coping?

6 Ways to Change the Swan Effect

Prioritise

What’s important?  It might be that you really need that sleep, instead of using the swan effect and secretly staying up late trying to get everything done. Get your sleep. We all find it hard to function when we are tired. Never sacrifice your sleep, always prioritise it. Maybe it’s something else you really need, you personally. Put that to the top of your list.

Revitalise

Spend time with your partner or kids or friends. We are social mammals, we really need connections with other people, we need conversations, interaction and to laugh and find joy, somewhere, with – well, anyone really! Go and interact because it really lifts the feel-good chemicals and helps us to feel revitalised.

Leave stuff

The swan effect has us sorting everything – gracefully.  But is it necessary?  Seriously. Just leave it. Whatever “it” is, leave it. This might be the housework, shopping, kids homework, cleaning the car – whatever, just leave it. I know! Shocking suggestion, but really – the washing and tidying will still be there and it comes back far too quickly too, so leave it, just for an hour or day or so (I’m not talking about forever).

Filter

People only talk about the good stuff and the really bad stuff. So, when all you are hearing at the office or on the playground is people’s achievement, or even if you are reading about all this on Social media or wherever, remember that it’s people sharing what they want you to know. They’re not going to show you their swan effect, or talk about the fact that they are not coping, or the sibling rivalry and bickering that goes on every day are they! Will they’re tell you about that big pile of ironing that’s hidden somewhere? (that’s what I do!). So, filter information and only pay attention to what you want to, whilst keeping an amount of reality in mind. Don’t let other people drain you with their woes.

Delegate or Ask

Are there things you can delegate to colleagues or members of your family? Are there things you might hate doing that others don’t mind? Doesn’t matter if it takes them so much longer, it’s their time they use – not yours! Sometimes people just need to be asked because they have an attitude of ‘ you seem to have it under control’ or ‘I didn’t like to interfere’ or (my husband’s favourite) “you are so good at it”.   Ask.  I ask my husband to iron or buy an M&S meal for tea.

Relax

What is your idea of real, complete relaxation? Mine’s a sunshine and beach, which is not easily doable however, I will take myself off for a soak in the bath. What could you do? Read a book, do something creative, listen to hypnosis. As well as taking time to revitalise, take time to relax too – it’s important.

So I’d love to know how this can help you or what, if any, of these things you already do.  Let me know in the comments space below or drop me an email or pop over to my contact page and drop me an email.

Hi, I’m Emma, providing Coaching and hypnotherapy in York and online, with a particular interest in helping you with anxiety, stress, fears and phobias so that you can take back control of your thoughts and feelings.  That way you can quickly and easily feel more able to cope with your busy life! There are no magic wands or quick fixes instead I give you personalised tools that work for you and fit with your lifestyle.

This week, I chat with Charlotte Turnbull, Head of Employment at W Legal about preventing stress in the workplace. Charlotte has a passion for helping businesses to create great places to work, to promote a healthy workplace culture and improve employee engagement. 

In this episode, we discuss how the workplace can be a kinder place for the employees.

According to a LabourForce survey shared by Charlotte in today’s podcast, there are 828,000 workers suffering from workplace-related stress, depression and anxiety which has led to 17.9 million working days lost. Meaning this is an incredibly important part of our lives that we and employers must address. We delve further into this and discuss some possible solutions to this national health issue.

“Employees need to feel they can speak up and go to their manager.”

“We need to stop the idea that stress is a sign of weakness.”

“Managers can actively monitor what their team is doing – are they taking proper breaks?  Is there a culture that breaks are acceptable.”

 “There are some really simple changes that employees can do to get the best out of their people.”

 “There are rules and regulations around working hours and some organisations have completely ignored this.  Not only is it breaking the law but it also leads to poor mental health.”

Charlotte says, “We spend so much time at work, it’s really important that the workplace is somewhere that we’re happy” and it is so true. Not only should we keep going for our own reasons, but we must also be happy while doing it. We should feel more flexible during this awkward time, so why are the stress levels still high?

We also discuss the cultures that we gain from the workplace. Such as replying to emails after work time. Those who have listened before to the podcast have heard me talk about setting up those healthy boundaries. Adding an email signature, making clear your beginning times and your end times, setting up filters for emails to get back to. These are an important part of setting healthy boundaries and we go further into this.

What can managers and employers do to support their workplace environment and to get the best out of their employees? 

Charlotte also shares her one thing for employers to focus on and to save money.

You can find Charlotte at:

LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlotteturnbullyallop

Twitter: https://twitter.com/legallottie

Website: https://wlegal.co.uk/

The Workplace Wellness Club:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/workplacewellnessthatworks

The Workplace Wellness Club – a place to discuss all things related to Healthy Workplaces: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/13931841/

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Please do make sure you hit ‘subscribe’ so that don’t miss an episode.  

If you haven’t yet left a review, please do go and find the little button to leave a review and let me know your thoughts, key take-aways and what you value from the podcast.

Join my corporate leadership and wellbeing newsletter HERE 

If you want to be increasing your performance so you’re more resilient in these current times, can focus easily, and use tools and techniques to deal with all the current and unknown challenges, then make sure you drop me an email to emma@emmalangton.com. Or head over to my contact page and either send me an email from there or book an appointment straight into my diary – saving all the to-ing and fro-ing you get when we try to get space in people’s diary.

Leaders, HR and all levels of the business will need extra help, support and guidance on looking after themselves and being able to spot issues and support the workforce. 

Some companies have plans in place for the return to office space, yet many companies are telling their workforce there is no intention of a return to office until September 2020 or later, if at all. Whilst these are intended to be clear messages, it can still contribute to employee stress – and reinforces their fears about the future so there are many reasons why mental wellbeing must continue to be a high priority.

The impact of continued remote working, alongside additional pressure of a difficult work life balance, isolation and schooling is adding to the worry, anxiety and associated mental health issues that were already contributing to difficulties within workforces.

Let’s not forget, that BEFORE lockdown there were already 1 in 4 people likely to have some mental health issue in their lifetime.  Research from Benenden Health in May 2020 said

“over a third of respondents feel the pandemic has been damaging to their mental wellbeing”

Mental Health issues are often hidden – but have a huge cost to companies if left undiscovered or not dealt with. Again, enhancing the reasons mental wellbeing must continue to be a high priority. The impact is particularly in areas such as:

• Poor employee morale 
• Low retention / high attrition
• The cost of high sickness absence 

Focusing on mental health and wellbeing needs to be a continuing part of your business plan and HR or Wellbeing Leads need to be ensuring that the plan is well delivered. As Ben Willmott, head of public policy at the CIPD, said “Employers have a fundamental duty of care for physical and mental wellbeing under the Health And Safety At Work Act,”

It’s no longer acceptable to just have the focus on one week of the year, or believe that a few posters about drinking more water and having a cake sale for a mental health charity is going to cut it. (Yes, I really was told that a cake sale was ‘everything’ one company was doing!)

What can you do to improve Mental Wellbeing?

Survey Your Employees Regularly 

Have an adequate survey that enables you to gather good feedback so that your employees know that mental wellbeing must continue to be a high priority in the workplace. It also means you’re not guessing about their strengths and difficulties so that you don’t waste money on plans and training that is not needed, as well as ensuring you are meeting their needs.   Remember, it’s not enough to just do the survey, you need to ensure you’re responding to the outcomes too in order to increase morale and gain the savings that you would like to see.

Provide Training and Expertise

Getting external support for training, coaching and learning will equip everyone from the Board down to be able to spot signs of stress and struggle in themselves and learn what they can do about it. 

For some companies who already have mental wellbeing as a priority and they benefit most from workshops designed for specific topics. Companies that I work with, often have great overall wellbeing plans in place, but have needed additional support in areas like boundaries, resilience and work life balance, especially during Covid-19 and those workshops have helped them complete their wellbeing implementation and ensure that mental wellbeing continues to be a priority.

Educate and Upskill Your Managers

Bringing in specific training will enable you to educate your managers to spot issues, raise any concerns and know how to be supportive and empathic so that they can catch issues early and turn around the negative impact of any situation before presenteeism or absences hit. 

It’s not just for your employees that mental wellbeing must continue to be a priority, it might be that your Board level executives need coaching or a high level training session so that they understand the impact of trying to work in a stressful environment and learn the best ways to support the workforce, demonstrate buy in and improve morale.

Knowing how to talk to employees and making time for one to one conversation is crucial in building trusting relationships that result in managers being able to support employees with early interventions. 

Improve Work life Balance

Think about what good work life balance looks like for your company. Are flexible working patterns possible – are they really possible logistically or is there a block on the idea just because of a fixed mindset or because it’s what you’ve always done?   

The Beneden research said

“more than half of parents whose mental wellbeing has been impacted say balancing working from home and childcare was having a negative impact on their mental wellbeing”

The companies I’m working with are investing in work life balance support because they are seeing that working hours are merging into the evenings and weekends, leaving their employees struggling to switch off or feeling under pressure to get through an incredible workload as well as juggling childcare.  However, they also tell me that even those without children are struggling too because there is no differentiation between the workplace and home.

Be Flexible

There’s no one size fits all. Depending on sector and role, the impact and need will be different. 

Key workers and front line employees will have had different experiences to those working at home and juggling childcare to those living alone.  We also need to take into account the different perceptions of people, some are more adaptable and resilient than others. 

Support the Supporters

HR and support workers in your organisation may have had additional pressure because they have been supporting others. It’s important not to forget that. So ensure that HR and managers also get the coaching, training or support they need so that they can continue to be there for others. 

Overall, companies are working hard to implement wellbeing plans – but with the arrival of Covid-19, it’s important to be responsive.  The Benenden report also said that over a third of respondents said they would like more employer support, so by revisiting and revising your wellbeing plan you can make sure that it has the best potential for success and ROI.

If you’d like to discuss how you can

1. enhance your company wellbeing plan during Covid-19,
2. discuss virtual training options
3. ensure your leaders are on board to support the Workplace Mental Wellbeing

Check out the options for wellbeing workshops, training and support or click here to arrange a call.

This article was previously published on Linked In.

The Mental Health Foundation discovered that in 2019, 74% of adults felt so stressed that they were overwhelmed and unable to cope (and that was before the current challenges that we’re facing!)

April is always a busy month for me, helping individuals to manage stress through coaching as well as delivering stress awareness workshops, webinars and lunch and learn sessions to organisations who want to support their employees and give them coping strategies for the year ahead.

With this year looking so different, I’m now running all these online to companies who are still open or looking to support the wellbeing and mental health of furloughed employees. 

It’s important, more than ever that we know how to manage stress during this strange lockdown period, how we can recognise stress, what we can do about it for the adjustment period too. There are podcast episodes HERE that are useful or read on for some insights.

Changing the Way We Think

Sometimes getting information and changing the way we think about things is a key part to coping with stressful situations.

My answer to the question everyone is asking — “When will this be over?” — apart from “who knows” is going to be the same answer I used to give adoptive parents when they were dealing with traumatised children.

It might be never completely be over.

Sorry to burst your bubble

To answer the other common question … “when can we get back to normal”. I usually respond with

What does normal usually look like?

What will normal look like in the future? We don’t know, but I’m sure it won’t be the same.

One things we can be sure about is that this Coronavirus crisis is going to bring about change. There’s going to be change in how we work – maybe more companies, having been forced to accept working from home, will see that it’s possible and people / staff / workforce DO still get stuff done, so they don’t need to worry about presenteeism.

There’s going to be a bigger need for looking after mental health.

There’s going to be changes in how we connect and keep in touch

There’s going to be changes in all sorts of things that we haven’t even thought of yet – NHS, health, shopping, schooling – surely?

We can’t possible go back to ‘how it was’ – people have died, people have lost jobs, companies have closed, some might never survive, companies and people have changed and adapted. This is how it is. We change and adapt, but rarely go back.

How Do We Cope?

Whilst we’re in this crisis situation, how do we cope? How do we get through when there is so much unknown, pressure and change?

It’s important that you recognise what’s going on with you so that you can manage your stress during lockdown.

Some people are outwardly active and like to keep busy when they’re stressed and anxious.

Others stop, freeze, struggle to do anything.

It’s all normal. However you manage stress, any response is fine – just know what yours is and don’t try to keep up with others who have a different response!

What do common stress responses look like?

When you’re able to recognise common physical and mental stress responses, you’re better able to manage stress during lockdown and beyond. Some commons stress responses are:

• A tight feeling in your chest 
• Poor memory or struggling to remember everyday things
• Difficulty sleeping or waking up through the night or early mornings
• Aches and pains for seemingly no particular reason – tight shoulders, clenched jaw, stiff back

or perhaps you’re eating chocolate, crisps, carbs and rubbish .. oh and alcohol too!

The survival aspect creates the stress response, so our bodies release cortisol (the stress chemical) that makes us crave CRAP (Carbs, Refined food, Additives and Processed food).

The stress response is supposed to keep us going whilst we run from the tiger (so to speak) – the only thing is, in modern day, we’re sat at our desk, on our sofas, in our houses, so we don’t burn it off!!!

Instead, we need to find other ways to calm the internal system.

What Do We Need to Do To Manage Stress During Lockdown?

Whilst the responses to manage stress are totally normal, they can also very hard to live with.

To calm our internal system we need some deep breathing. This is the easiest and most effective way to begin to bring about calm. Deep belly breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which then automatically send signals to your brain that there’s a false alarm, that you can calm down. 

I talk about all this in more detail on my Managing Stress trainings and webinars (contact me if you want to know more). Recently, I’ve also provide a guided relaxation because they’ve been so helpful for people in the recent weeks.

The stress is happening because of the build up of pressure / change / emotions. It’s really important to be able to own and admit the difficulties.

Remember it’s ok not to be ok.

Just as long as you don’t stay in that place for long.

Know that you are not failing. Let go of all of the ideas you have about what you should be doing right now. Instead, focus on your physical and psychological feelings and what you can do about them to manage stress levels down.

The Adjustment Period to Manage Stress

No-one really feels good during a stressful situation and that’s OK.

When you’ve calmed your internal system, with deep breathing, rest, or working off cortisol, the stress chemical, then you can look at what adjustments still need to be made to manage stress better. In time your brain can re-set – it will begin to look for opportunities / things to do / different ways to respond.

• Give yourself what you need. Is it time alone or with others?
• Find ways to stay connected.
• Pick up the phone – don’t just text or email or message
• Use video calling because eye contact is incredibly connecting, more than we realise.
• Allowing time for a good moan / offload / cry is helpful then it creates space to smile, laugh and do the the positive uplifting things.
• Switch off the ‘keep smiling’ and ‘power through’ stuff on social media of if it’s not helpful to you.
• Ignore the neighbour who has re-decorated his whole house already!! You’re not them.

Do what YOU need to do, WHEN you need to do it.

Your mental shift and adjustment will happen when it’s right for you – the more pressure you put on yourself, the more stressed you’ll make yourself and then you’ll need to go back to point 1

There WILL be a range of emotions that you go through.

But it’s OK to cry, get upset, be pissed off. Allow the emotions to be there, it’s part of the process – the adjustment, healing, acceptance.

We might be on week 4 of lockdown, but this is just the beginning.

As The Queen said, we’ll meet again. And we will.

Give it time.

We must give ourselves time to accept, react and adjust. Then we create a new normal, for a while and hopefully not too long!

This is available on the Lessons for Leaders podcast along with other helpful episodes about coping during the Coronavirus crisis.

Email me or book a call using this link if you want to talk about working with me on 1:1 basis or how I can help your workforce.

#stressawarenessmonth

This article was previously published on LinkedIn

Anxiety can differ from person to person. Some people have lots of similar symptoms and others only have a few. It’s very much based on individual perceptions of the situation.  There can also be intense fear which can happen suddenly and just seem to take over the body.  When this happens a person might notice a mixture of symptoms and these can differ from person to person. Often there can be an underlying cause for anxiety and for others there seems to be no reason at all.

Anxiety can be a very personal issue so let me share a personal story with you. Ashley came to see me after struggling for quite a while with anxiety. Ashley told me it felt like there was a new problem every day. She was overthinking every little thing, then worrying about the negative thoughts, then becoming frustrated because it all became a vicious circle.

Ashley was getting really upset, crying a lot and had no motivation. She was unable to focus, feeling sick and really tense, particularly in her jaw.  She was getting angry and frustrated at having these feelings all the time and just didn’t want to go out – which was totally unlike her.

So let me tell you how I helped Ashley in just 5 sessions to go from

I’m scared and feel like I’m dying”

to

I feel much calmer and more focussed and I enjoy doing things again.”

1. Free Initial Chat

We’d had a chat on the phone before we even began to work together. (I offer a 15 minute telephone consultation so that enquirers can explain a little more about their situation and I can explain about how I work.  Everyone needs to make sure they feel comfortable with me; I need to ensure that their situation is something I believe I can work with too.  So this Free chat is a good way to check that.  Occasionally I might suggest someone needs to go to their GP, or refer them to someone else.  Sometimes we discover that our availabilities don’t match and I can direct to other therapists too.)

After a brief chat with Ashley we agreed on my 4 Session Anxiety Package and booked the dates into our diaries. 4 sessions is often enough although because each person is different additional sessions are added on if needed.  As I began working with Ashley we realised that we would need to add one more session to help Ashley overcome her anxiety.

2. First Meeting

When I met Ashley I could see a glimmer of the bubbly, smiley person that was clearly struggling underneath all this anxiety.  She explained that this anxiety had started around the time her younger sister had become ill.  It had been quite a long, traumatic time for her and all her family.

Towards the end of the first session I guided Ashley into hypnosis and gave her some tools and relaxation tips to take away and practice at home.

3. Implementing Changes

We discovered, through the use of hypnosis, that during the process of staying strong for her sister and being supportive to her mum, Ashley had hardly cried and kept all feelings locked in, so that she could cope with everything else going on.  She also began to recognise that she felt sad, scared and even a bit helpless.

I gave Ashley an audio to use at home to enhance the work we did in sessions.

4. Anxiety in the Body

We worked on therapeutically releasing those stored up feelings so that they no longer felt trapped inside.  Ashely described her anxiety as feeling like “bubbling butterflies in her tummy”.  This release method also helped Ashley to change those feelings and be less trapped with her anxiety.  These are tools that can be taken away and continued to be used each day.

Anxiety can have a big impact on our bodies and bodily functions too.  So we discussed what happens and ways to improve general health and wellbeing on a daily basis.

We also worked on de-sensitising the thoughts and feelings which were still vivid in her mind from when her sister was ill.  We can’t take away the events but we can make them less painful to remember.

5. Last Session

Ashley was now sleeping much better and woke feeling she wanted get up each day.  She said

I feel much calmer and more focussed; my head’s not racing and there’s no intrusive thoughts.  I feel more motivated and able to function.  Best of all I enjoy doing things again.”

We round off the therapy sessions by pulling together all the tools, techniques and progress in a final hypnotherapy session so that these new ways are deeply embedded into the subconscious mind.  That way, all the new ways of reacting and responding that we achieve in therapy, become much more automatic and part of everyday life.

Do you suffer from anxiety? How does it feel for you? Perhaps you can identify with Ashley’s “bubbling butterflies in her tummy” or perhaps anxiety feels completely different for you.

What is Anxiety what Helps Stop it?

I get it – anxiety is a beast. It can lay dormant for a while.  You can even start to feel better and then it happens….  It appears again…  With anxiety there is no warning.  It can stop you doing even the simplest things and people don’t understand how it’s affecting you.  So a question I’m asked a lot is “how to stop anxiety”.

Well, each person’s perception is different. Anxiety is worrying or a feeling of unease, fear or worry.  All of us can have some form or level of anxiety in our lives, although usually in a mild way or for a short period of time or because of a particular event or circumstance in our lives.  These could be things like:

• Taking an exam
• Going for interviews
• Moving house
• Having an illness or ill health
• Difficulty in work, home, relationships
• Money worries

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

Anxiety symptoms, the frequency and intensity can differ from person to person and often develop slowly. Some people have lots of similar symptoms and others only have a few.  Of course, each person will have a differing view of the severity of the distress the worry and anxiety causes.  It’s very much based on individual perceptions of the situation.

To be diagnosed by a GP or other health professional, the anxiety has usually been deemed to be present for at least six months and where there is excessive worrying and a person finds it difficult to control the feelings.

There can also be intense fear which can happy suddenly and just seem to take over the body.  When this happens a person might notice a mixture of these symptoms and again these can differ from person to person.  They are also often associated with panic attacks.

• Shortness of Breath
• Fast heartbeat
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Hot flushes or sweating
• Shaking or trembling
• Tingling or goosebumps
• Feeling sick, nauseous or stomach discomfort
• Feeling lightheaded, dizzy or faint
• Headaches or muscle tension
• Trouble concentrating
• Easily Tired

What Causes My Anxiety Cycle?

Sometimes people can trace things back to a specific time, place or situation when they began to feel frightened, worries or anxious. Those feelings can stay with someone to be repeated and re-played on a regular basis. These could be something like experiencing bullying as a child. Those feelings might stay with a person and then replay in similar situations where they are in company of others or in some other situation that reminds them of that old feeling.

There may be life circumstances, like a busy job, work pressure or hectic home life that leave someone feeling under pressure on a daily basis.

Your diet may impact the way you feel.  The things we eat or drink can have an effect on us, so too much sugar, caffeine or alcohol are the first things to look at in your diet.  However, generally a poor quality diet or poor range of food, lack of fresh healthy food could also be a contributory factor.

There may also be side-affects from any drugs or medication that you take.

At other times, people have no idea what causes the anxiety.

How to Stop Anxiety – What Helps?

• Breathing

Breathing exercises really help anxiety. I know, it’s a common theme in everything I write about. In fact it’s one of my Top 3 Tools to use every day. Taking a deep breath down into your stomach releases feel-good chemicals, which in turn help to calm down the brain and body functions.  So this helps to switch off those anxious feelings.

• Talking to Someone

Often those thoughts go round and round in our heads and if we can just manage to speak to someone about what’s going on in our head, or tell someone how we are feeling then the anxiety calms right down.  It’s almost as if we bring it out into the daylight and then nothing seems quite as bad as it was when it was in our head.  It helps, to hear those thoughts being spoke out loud and can put things into perspective a little.

• Exercise

Exercise is also great for boosting those feel-good chemicals as well as giving the brain and body something else to focus on, rather than those anxious thoughts and feelings. So as well as being healthy, it could also be a distraction.  It also helps us to feel good about ourselves generally.

• Music

Listening to music is a great way to lift the spirits and increase the feel-good feelings. Listen to music when you are in the gym or even when you go for a walk could give you a double boost!  Stick your earphones in when you need to leave the house but are struggling.  I know people who have created particular play-lists which are calming or upbeat and even an angry playlist for when they really want to stomp through the feelings!  You could create one too!

• Journaling

If exercise, music or talking to someone is not your thing then keeping a diary or journal can really help. It’s best if it’s handwritten, but can also be electronic too.  A handwritten journal allows you to get into a state of mind where you can really connect with the thoughts and feelings and allow them to just flow out of you and onto the paper.  It can be very therapeutic and healing.  You might even find a pattern in there to be able to identify what triggers the anxiety.  Otherwise you can refer back to it to see some of the more positive things that you might have missed because the anxiety took over.

• Healthy Diet

Diet, as I’ve already mentioned is very important. I know if you’ve been struggling with anxiety all day, by the time you get home you are shattered and feel you can’t be bothered to cook.  Use your good times to try and plan ahead for times when things are difficult.  Cook double and freeze some; prepare your lunch the day before so that if you are struggling to get going in the morning you have less to do.  Really try to avoid alcohol, and the junk, high sugar, quick fixes and they just don’t help in the long run.

Of course, anxiety is one of the things that I work with a lot, so remember that it’s not just you.  Sometimes knowing that can help, other times it doesn’t. I know that people will say “don’t worry”.  But you can’t just flick a switch and turn it off can you!  Have a plan for the things that help you.  It’s really OK that different things work for different people.  Find out what helps you to stop your anxiety.  There are always some free hypnotherapy audios, e-books or downloads that you can find on this site from me or elsewhere on the internet!!

I’d love to know what helps you to stop anxiety, so add something in the comments boxes below.  If you’d like more, then sign up for my newsletter so blogs, tips and my “coming soon” anxiety package will come straight to your inbox.