Are you on of those leaders who looks like they’re coping?

You appear calm. Composed. Capable.
On paper, you’re successful. In meetings, you’re professional.
Your team sees you as the one who has it all together.

But inside? You’re exhausted. Overthinking. Spinning plates while feeling like they could all crash at any moment. This blog is for you. And so is my coaching.

Because I work with leaders and business owners who look like they’re coping… but know they’re not.

Why Leaders Who Look Like They’re Coping is Common

It’s incredibly common.
People in senior roles often carry the weight of expectations – of being seen as strong, organised, emotionally steady.

Society seems to expect leaders to cope with all the pressure. And in the fast paced world we live in these days, with technology making sure we’re always switched on, always contactable .. leaders become adept at giving the impression they’re coping and feel they need to glide through all the tasks and situations; having a handle on everything.

Leaders often tell me ‘I don’t want appear weak’ by admitting they’re not coping.

But the truth? Many are paddling furiously underneath.

That’s what I call The Swan Effect – graceful above the surface, frantic underneath.
And it’s where my coaching for leaders who look like they’re coping really begins.

The Hidden Signs You Might Not Be Coping (Even If It Looks Like You Are)

You might recognise yourself here:

• Constant low-level anxiety, even when nothing is “wrong”
• Feeling mentally overloaded and physically drained
• Struggling to sleep or switch off at the end of the day
• Snapping at home while keeping it together at work
• Living in your head, questioning if you’re doing enough – or too much
• Craving rest, but feeling guilty when you take it

You’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

There are so many Leaders Who Look Like They’re Coping who work with me.

You’re simply stretched too thin, for too long.

How Coaching Can Help You Feel in Control Again

Working with me is not about becoming “better” at juggling.

It’s about deciding what’s worth holding, and letting go of what’s not.
Through personalised sessions, I help you:

• Reclaim time, space, and headroom
• Build sustainable resilience (not just grit)
• Make confident decisions without second-guessing yourself
• Drop the pressure to perform and be seen as perfect
• Create real balance in work and life

You’ll learn how to cope differently … not by pushing through, but by building inner calm, clarity, and control.

Real-Life Coaching for Real-World Leaders

I don’t offer fluffy solutions.
I work with busy professionals, executives, and business owners who live in the real world of deadlines, teams, and life admin.

I also live it. As a coach and carer to two adopted children with trauma and special needs, I understand what it’s like to manage intense personal responsibility and public expectations at the same time.

For example, we look at what’s important.  It might be that you really need that sleep, instead of staying up late and being the leader who looks like you’re coping and trying to get everything done. It might be that we prioritise for you to get your sleep. Is it that simple? Maybe.

We all find it hard to function when we are tired. Never sacrifice your sleep, always prioritise it. Maybe it’s something else you really need, you personally. Through coaching, we help identify these things and also where the positive impact will be so that you DO cope, and more than that.

This is coaching for leaders who look like they’re coping, but want to feel like they’re thriving.

Let’s Stop the Pretending. Let’s Get You Real Support.

You don’t have to keep paddling beneath the surface in silence.

My coaching helps you shift from:

• Overwhelmed → Empowered
• Burnt out → Balanced
• Performing → Feeling genuinely in control

If this speaks to you, let’s start a conversation.
Because you deserve support that fits your reality—not just your role.

👉 Book a free clarity call
👉 Explore 1:1 coaching options

I’m sharing a recap of the top 5 episodes for 2021.  These are the podcast episodes that have had the highest listens throughout the year and I though it useful to recap them for you.  People are often asking me which I should listen to first, so this will be a helpful way to dive in to the most popular ones and get you started, or enable you to recap any that you missed.

Even if you heard them before, it’s often useful to get a reminder of key messages …. It’s so easy to forget these things. 

The most listened to are:

LFL18   Boundaries for Leaders

Good leadership boundaries enhance workforce behaviour, stops workforce behaviour from being pulled down taking away from its values, mission, purpose, and results.

Listen to why boundaries are my favourite subject and why I think they are so essential in business, organisation and life.

LFL21   Preventing Leadership Fatigue and Burn Out

Although this was published back in June, it’s still relevant now and I expect it will be right through 2022.  I’ve been hearing of lots of people experiencing burn out, extreme fatigue and people struggling.  So this is going to be so helpful.

Burnout characterised by “emotional exhaustion” and usually attributed to the professional role you have, therefore, maintaining work life balance is vital to prevent burnout.

The difficulty though is that often fatigue and burn out happen because leader DO love their jobs, or feel a sense of responsibility or struggle to delegate – in fact there can be a host of differing factors.  Because everyone is different. 

LFL15 Resilient Leadership: My Six Pillars of Resilience

This episode gives you an insight into my resilience workshops and training.  In January one organisation has booked me to deliver 8 resilience workshops for their organisation that incorporates 5 x one hour sessions for all staff and 3 x 2 hour sessions for managers.  If you want an insight, go over to this episode and here me talking about 

• what resilience is
• how resilience impacts you in leadership and your employees
• what are my six pillars of resilience

Leaders are expected to be able to run and lead in their business and to be able to do it well.  Accenture concluded that 

“Resilience may be the new criterion for professional advancement”

LFL38 7 Steps to a Winning Wellbeing Plan

This is a process I go through with organisations when we’re looking at creating their wellbeing plans.  January is a great time to put this in place … but it can happen at any time of the year.   If you’re not on my newsletter, then get signed up because the January edition will be giving away more info about these 7 steps too.

To listen to the episode, you’ll hear I’m talking about the 7 steps that you can take to create winning wellbeing plans in your organisation and sharing exactly what would be good things so that there are not just knee jerk reactions and plugging gaps.

LFL13 Managing Stress During the Lockdown

This episode is not just relevant for back when we were in lockdown.  It shares what common stress responses look like, so that you can spot the signs.  I share what we need to do with the stress that ensures we don’t stay with that stress response for too long.  We must give ourselves time to accept, react and adjust. Then we create a new normal.

Please do make sure you hit ‘subscribe’ so that don’t miss an episode.  

If you haven’t yet  left a review, please do go and find the little button to leave a review and let me know your thoughts, key take-aways and what you value from the podcast.

Join my corporate leadership and wellbeing newsletter HERE

If you want to be increasing your performance so that you’re more resilient in these current times, so that you can focus easily, use tools and techniques to deal with all the current and unknown challenges then make sure that you either drop me an email to emma@emmalangton.com. 

This ‘swan effect’ – it’s common; appearing calm and together on the surface, yet not quite showing all that’s going on.  Deep down, there’s feelings of anxiety, not coping, guilt or failure. Maybe your stomach is churning or the pressure is building and you feel like there’s a weight on your shoulders or something heavy on your chest. Perhaps you’re just tired, beyond tired and short tempered? I know. In fact, that’s been me – frequently.

With two adopted children who have extensive trauma and special needs, life at home can stressful and demanding. Sometimes it can feel like its demanding all the time actually, especially when a day or week seems to be fully of phone calls from schools, strops and meltdowns each morning and night, more time and more care is needed for all those things which should be simple and straightforward. I know.

So what can you do to get back to feeling like you are coping?

6 Ways to Change the Swan Effect

Prioritise

What’s important?  It might be that you really need that sleep, instead of using the swan effect and secretly staying up late trying to get everything done. Get your sleep. We all find it hard to function when we are tired. Never sacrifice your sleep, always prioritise it. Maybe it’s something else you really need, you personally. Put that to the top of your list.

Revitalise

Spend time with your partner or kids or friends. We are social mammals, we really need connections with other people, we need conversations, interaction and to laugh and find joy, somewhere, with – well, anyone really! Go and interact because it really lifts the feel-good chemicals and helps us to feel revitalised.

Leave stuff

The swan effect has us sorting everything – gracefully.  But is it necessary?  Seriously. Just leave it. Whatever “it” is, leave it. This might be the housework, shopping, kids homework, cleaning the car – whatever, just leave it. I know! Shocking suggestion, but really – the washing and tidying will still be there and it comes back far too quickly too, so leave it, just for an hour or day or so (I’m not talking about forever).

Filter

People only talk about the good stuff and the really bad stuff. So, when all you are hearing at the office or on the playground is people’s achievement, or even if you are reading about all this on Social media or wherever, remember that it’s people sharing what they want you to know. They’re not going to show you their swan effect, or talk about the fact that they are not coping, or the sibling rivalry and bickering that goes on every day are they! Will they’re tell you about that big pile of ironing that’s hidden somewhere? (that’s what I do!). So, filter information and only pay attention to what you want to, whilst keeping an amount of reality in mind. Don’t let other people drain you with their woes.

Delegate or Ask

Are there things you can delegate to colleagues or members of your family? Are there things you might hate doing that others don’t mind? Doesn’t matter if it takes them so much longer, it’s their time they use – not yours! Sometimes people just need to be asked because they have an attitude of ‘ you seem to have it under control’ or ‘I didn’t like to interfere’ or (my husband’s favourite) “you are so good at it”.   Ask.  I ask my husband to iron or buy an M&S meal for tea.

Relax

What is your idea of real, complete relaxation? Mine’s a sunshine and beach, which is not easily doable however, I will take myself off for a soak in the bath. What could you do? Read a book, do something creative, listen to hypnosis. As well as taking time to revitalise, take time to relax too – it’s important.

So I’d love to know how this can help you or what, if any, of these things you already do.  Let me know in the comments space below or drop me an email or pop over to my contact page and drop me an email.

Hi, I’m Emma, providing Coaching and hypnotherapy in York and online, with a particular interest in helping you with anxiety, stress, fears and phobias so that you can take back control of your thoughts and feelings.  That way you can quickly and easily feel more able to cope with your busy life! There are no magic wands or quick fixes instead I give you personalised tools that work for you and fit with your lifestyle.

With the stigma too, about us being strong enough, good enough, capable enough, there’s also a lot of pressure to ‘cope’ with this busy life. It can be hard going!

There’s also added pressure at times from people around us or social media. This too, leaves people feeling putting pressure on themselves to get through more work, to do more, to achieve.  It can feel difficult and overwhelming. So if you are feeling swamped by social media or the pressure of work, business or just life, then here are the things you can do to help you keep a balance in stressful times.

1.    Be Kind To Yourself.

You absolutely are doing your best – aren’t you? You don’t need to beat yourself up (there are plenty of other people who will do that for you)! If you’re not kind to yourself it will drag you down, have you feeling deflated or defeated. That releases negative chemicals and makes it so much harder to pick ourselves up and keep moving forward. So use kind words and treat yourself as you would a friend.

2.    Put a Line Through Your Diary

Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds! When your brain is in overdrive and you’re struggling to keep a balance in the stressful times, the very best, quickest and easiest way to get yourself back to your best and back on track is to take time out. You give yourself time to recover, to relax the whirring of your brain and enable you to clear your energies so that you can refocus. 

3.    Find Supportive Group or Person

I have an accountability group of a couple of great colleagues in business who I can talk to, offload and ask for advice. You might have a manager, colleague or a coach who you can approach. Let them know you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling. Ask for support or ideas or maybe just an ear so you can offload, safely and comfortably.

4.    What Prevents You Keeping a Balance in Stressful Times?

When you know what drains you and drags you down and saps your energies then you do something about it! You can create a balance in stressful times in your life by countering the time or energy you spend being drained, with the time you spend doing things that energise you and raise your feel good chemicals. You can even do more of the things that energise and less of the things that drain you. Prioritise, outsource or think about doing things differently.

5.    Know What Energises You.

I love quiet things and time out. I have a friend who needs to run. Exercise, laughing, walking in nature, take time out, have a bath. There’s lots of things – but it’s not just about doing that thing – it’s knowing HOW it makes you feel. Recognising that you can feel energised, or uplifted. If you can find something that’s easy to fit into your day and that doesn’t take long, means you can get this energising feeling repetitively over the course of the day or the week.

6.    Learn to Relax

Chances are you’re the type of person who stays on the go all the time or keeps going to try to achieve the things that are stressing you. However, the very best way to stop the overdrive in your brain is to relax. Even if you do relax, are you getting enough? Relaxation enables our mind and body to calm down. We can then move from our emotional brain to our intellectual brain, so we can think more clearly, feel more energised and motivated and get that stuff done!

Which of these can you begin to do today?

If you are struggling to keep a balance during stressful times then Email me or book a call using this link to talk about working with me on 1:1 basis or how I can help your workforce.

This article was previously published on LinkedIn

The Mental Health Foundation discovered that in 2019, 74% of adults felt so stressed that they were overwhelmed and unable to cope (and that was before the current challenges that we’re facing!)

April is always a busy month for me, helping individuals to manage stress through coaching as well as delivering stress awareness workshops, webinars and lunch and learn sessions to organisations who want to support their employees and give them coping strategies for the year ahead.

With this year looking so different, I’m now running all these online to companies who are still open or looking to support the wellbeing and mental health of furloughed employees. 

It’s important, more than ever that we know how to manage stress during this strange lockdown period, how we can recognise stress, what we can do about it for the adjustment period too. There are podcast episodes HERE that are useful or read on for some insights.

Changing the Way We Think

Sometimes getting information and changing the way we think about things is a key part to coping with stressful situations.

My answer to the question everyone is asking — “When will this be over?” — apart from “who knows” is going to be the same answer I used to give adoptive parents when they were dealing with traumatised children.

It might be never completely be over.

Sorry to burst your bubble

To answer the other common question … “when can we get back to normal”. I usually respond with

What does normal usually look like?

What will normal look like in the future? We don’t know, but I’m sure it won’t be the same.

One things we can be sure about is that this Coronavirus crisis is going to bring about change. There’s going to be change in how we work – maybe more companies, having been forced to accept working from home, will see that it’s possible and people / staff / workforce DO still get stuff done, so they don’t need to worry about presenteeism.

There’s going to be a bigger need for looking after mental health.

There’s going to be changes in how we connect and keep in touch

There’s going to be changes in all sorts of things that we haven’t even thought of yet – NHS, health, shopping, schooling – surely?

We can’t possible go back to ‘how it was’ – people have died, people have lost jobs, companies have closed, some might never survive, companies and people have changed and adapted. This is how it is. We change and adapt, but rarely go back.

How Do We Cope?

Whilst we’re in this crisis situation, how do we cope? How do we get through when there is so much unknown, pressure and change?

It’s important that you recognise what’s going on with you so that you can manage your stress during lockdown.

Some people are outwardly active and like to keep busy when they’re stressed and anxious.

Others stop, freeze, struggle to do anything.

It’s all normal. However you manage stress, any response is fine – just know what yours is and don’t try to keep up with others who have a different response!

What do common stress responses look like?

When you’re able to recognise common physical and mental stress responses, you’re better able to manage stress during lockdown and beyond. Some commons stress responses are:

• A tight feeling in your chest 
• Poor memory or struggling to remember everyday things
• Difficulty sleeping or waking up through the night or early mornings
• Aches and pains for seemingly no particular reason – tight shoulders, clenched jaw, stiff back

or perhaps you’re eating chocolate, crisps, carbs and rubbish .. oh and alcohol too!

The survival aspect creates the stress response, so our bodies release cortisol (the stress chemical) that makes us crave CRAP (Carbs, Refined food, Additives and Processed food).

The stress response is supposed to keep us going whilst we run from the tiger (so to speak) – the only thing is, in modern day, we’re sat at our desk, on our sofas, in our houses, so we don’t burn it off!!!

Instead, we need to find other ways to calm the internal system.

What Do We Need to Do To Manage Stress During Lockdown?

Whilst the responses to manage stress are totally normal, they can also very hard to live with.

To calm our internal system we need some deep breathing. This is the easiest and most effective way to begin to bring about calm. Deep belly breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which then automatically send signals to your brain that there’s a false alarm, that you can calm down. 

I talk about all this in more detail on my Managing Stress trainings and webinars (contact me if you want to know more). Recently, I’ve also provide a guided relaxation because they’ve been so helpful for people in the recent weeks.

The stress is happening because of the build up of pressure / change / emotions. It’s really important to be able to own and admit the difficulties.

Remember it’s ok not to be ok.

Just as long as you don’t stay in that place for long.

Know that you are not failing. Let go of all of the ideas you have about what you should be doing right now. Instead, focus on your physical and psychological feelings and what you can do about them to manage stress levels down.

The Adjustment Period to Manage Stress

No-one really feels good during a stressful situation and that’s OK.

When you’ve calmed your internal system, with deep breathing, rest, or working off cortisol, the stress chemical, then you can look at what adjustments still need to be made to manage stress better. In time your brain can re-set – it will begin to look for opportunities / things to do / different ways to respond.

• Give yourself what you need. Is it time alone or with others?
• Find ways to stay connected.
• Pick up the phone – don’t just text or email or message
• Use video calling because eye contact is incredibly connecting, more than we realise.
• Allowing time for a good moan / offload / cry is helpful then it creates space to smile, laugh and do the the positive uplifting things.
• Switch off the ‘keep smiling’ and ‘power through’ stuff on social media of if it’s not helpful to you.
• Ignore the neighbour who has re-decorated his whole house already!! You’re not them.

Do what YOU need to do, WHEN you need to do it.

Your mental shift and adjustment will happen when it’s right for you – the more pressure you put on yourself, the more stressed you’ll make yourself and then you’ll need to go back to point 1

There WILL be a range of emotions that you go through.

But it’s OK to cry, get upset, be pissed off. Allow the emotions to be there, it’s part of the process – the adjustment, healing, acceptance.

We might be on week 4 of lockdown, but this is just the beginning.

As The Queen said, we’ll meet again. And we will.

Give it time.

We must give ourselves time to accept, react and adjust. Then we create a new normal, for a while and hopefully not too long!

This is available on the Lessons for Leaders podcast along with other helpful episodes about coping during the Coronavirus crisis.

Email me or book a call using this link if you want to talk about working with me on 1:1 basis or how I can help your workforce.

#stressawarenessmonth

This article was previously published on LinkedIn

What is Anxiety what Helps Stop it?

I get it – anxiety is a beast. It can lay dormant for a while.  You can even start to feel better and then it happens….  It appears again…  With anxiety there is no warning.  It can stop you doing even the simplest things and people don’t understand how it’s affecting you.  So a question I’m asked a lot is “how to stop anxiety”.

Well, each person’s perception is different. Anxiety is worrying or a feeling of unease, fear or worry.  All of us can have some form or level of anxiety in our lives, although usually in a mild way or for a short period of time or because of a particular event or circumstance in our lives.  These could be things like:

• Taking an exam
• Going for interviews
• Moving house
• Having an illness or ill health
• Difficulty in work, home, relationships
• Money worries

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

Anxiety symptoms, the frequency and intensity can differ from person to person and often develop slowly. Some people have lots of similar symptoms and others only have a few.  Of course, each person will have a differing view of the severity of the distress the worry and anxiety causes.  It’s very much based on individual perceptions of the situation.

To be diagnosed by a GP or other health professional, the anxiety has usually been deemed to be present for at least six months and where there is excessive worrying and a person finds it difficult to control the feelings.

There can also be intense fear which can happy suddenly and just seem to take over the body.  When this happens a person might notice a mixture of these symptoms and again these can differ from person to person.  They are also often associated with panic attacks.

• Shortness of Breath
• Fast heartbeat
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Hot flushes or sweating
• Shaking or trembling
• Tingling or goosebumps
• Feeling sick, nauseous or stomach discomfort
• Feeling lightheaded, dizzy or faint
• Headaches or muscle tension
• Trouble concentrating
• Easily Tired

What Causes My Anxiety Cycle?

Sometimes people can trace things back to a specific time, place or situation when they began to feel frightened, worries or anxious. Those feelings can stay with someone to be repeated and re-played on a regular basis. These could be something like experiencing bullying as a child. Those feelings might stay with a person and then replay in similar situations where they are in company of others or in some other situation that reminds them of that old feeling.

There may be life circumstances, like a busy job, work pressure or hectic home life that leave someone feeling under pressure on a daily basis.

Your diet may impact the way you feel.  The things we eat or drink can have an effect on us, so too much sugar, caffeine or alcohol are the first things to look at in your diet.  However, generally a poor quality diet or poor range of food, lack of fresh healthy food could also be a contributory factor.

There may also be side-affects from any drugs or medication that you take.

At other times, people have no idea what causes the anxiety.

How to Stop Anxiety – What Helps?

• Breathing

Breathing exercises really help anxiety. I know, it’s a common theme in everything I write about. In fact it’s one of my Top 3 Tools to use every day. Taking a deep breath down into your stomach releases feel-good chemicals, which in turn help to calm down the brain and body functions.  So this helps to switch off those anxious feelings.

• Talking to Someone

Often those thoughts go round and round in our heads and if we can just manage to speak to someone about what’s going on in our head, or tell someone how we are feeling then the anxiety calms right down.  It’s almost as if we bring it out into the daylight and then nothing seems quite as bad as it was when it was in our head.  It helps, to hear those thoughts being spoke out loud and can put things into perspective a little.

• Exercise

Exercise is also great for boosting those feel-good chemicals as well as giving the brain and body something else to focus on, rather than those anxious thoughts and feelings. So as well as being healthy, it could also be a distraction.  It also helps us to feel good about ourselves generally.

• Music

Listening to music is a great way to lift the spirits and increase the feel-good feelings. Listen to music when you are in the gym or even when you go for a walk could give you a double boost!  Stick your earphones in when you need to leave the house but are struggling.  I know people who have created particular play-lists which are calming or upbeat and even an angry playlist for when they really want to stomp through the feelings!  You could create one too!

• Journaling

If exercise, music or talking to someone is not your thing then keeping a diary or journal can really help. It’s best if it’s handwritten, but can also be electronic too.  A handwritten journal allows you to get into a state of mind where you can really connect with the thoughts and feelings and allow them to just flow out of you and onto the paper.  It can be very therapeutic and healing.  You might even find a pattern in there to be able to identify what triggers the anxiety.  Otherwise you can refer back to it to see some of the more positive things that you might have missed because the anxiety took over.

• Healthy Diet

Diet, as I’ve already mentioned is very important. I know if you’ve been struggling with anxiety all day, by the time you get home you are shattered and feel you can’t be bothered to cook.  Use your good times to try and plan ahead for times when things are difficult.  Cook double and freeze some; prepare your lunch the day before so that if you are struggling to get going in the morning you have less to do.  Really try to avoid alcohol, and the junk, high sugar, quick fixes and they just don’t help in the long run.

Of course, anxiety is one of the things that I work with a lot, so remember that it’s not just you.  Sometimes knowing that can help, other times it doesn’t. I know that people will say “don’t worry”.  But you can’t just flick a switch and turn it off can you!  Have a plan for the things that help you.  It’s really OK that different things work for different people.  Find out what helps you to stop your anxiety.  There are always some free hypnotherapy audios, e-books or downloads that you can find on this site from me or elsewhere on the internet!!

I’d love to know what helps you to stop anxiety, so add something in the comments boxes below.  If you’d like more, then sign up for my newsletter so blogs, tips and my “coming soon” anxiety package will come straight to your inbox.

Adjust Your Mindset

This is so important.  What we believe we can achieve.  I really want to get this across.  If you are waking each morning with a feeling of dread and then allowing your mind to get into that negative state of “ I’m stressed” or “I can’t cope” or “I hate my life” or “this is too much” or whatever it is that goes round in your head.  Well, if you say this or think this even it will be like this.  STOP!  When you become aware of what you are thinking you can stop yourself.  Change these thoughts into being more positive.  Think of the opposites. So instead of stressed think calm.  Instead of can’t cope think I can.  I can do this.

As you brush your teeth each morning, look at yourself in the mirror an repeat to yourself “I can do this” or “I am …” (Insert calm/ confident / organised or whichever word resonates with you.)

Breathe

I know. I’m always banging on about this.  Taking a deep breath, having a breathing technique in your toolbox is incredibly helpful.  The deep breathing releases endorphins, the brains feel good chemical.  It increases natural calming and stress reducing feelings.  So incorporating a breathing technique into your everyday routine or using when you need it will be incredibly helpful for those stress levels.

Change the Priorities

Oh I know all those things to do – and then the things you want to do and the things the kids want to do all add up to an awful lot – aagghhhh!   So prioritise.  Sort things into 3 lists.

A. The things that ABSOLUTELY must be done
B. The things that you’d like to BELIEVE could be done (But it’s ok if they’re not)
C. The things that you know you’ve not got a CHANCE of doing!

When you’ve sorted that, the go back to list A and see if you can adjust that list even more.

There.  That’s ABC.  Adjust, Breathe, Change.

Got a few other worries and stressors kicking about too?  Here’s some extra tips for them.

Time

There never feels like enough time.  Oops, the you go, that’s a negative thought!  I’m not being mean here but go back to Tip 1.  When we tell ourselves there’s never enough time, then there simple won’t be enough time!  When you are thinking more positively about time then breathe to calm your mind, then change the priorities.  When we do this, we think more clearly so we spend less time firefighting and trying to think straight and more time actually doing.

Demands

I know, I know.  What about the demands from others?  From the boss, parents, in laws, kids (yourself!!). Again, sorry to be boring and repetitive here…Adjust mindset, Breathe (it really does stop us from jumping in and putting our foot in our mouth, or from shouting or from agreeing to things we don’t want to do!) and Change priorities. That doesn’t mean change the priorities to allow everyone else come top of the list.  It means what I said up there and leads me nicely into my last bonus tip.

Bonus Tip for a Stress Free Summer

Here’s your bonus tip (you might not like it, but it’s worth it). Put yourself first.
Yeah right.  Fat chance of that, so I’ll say it again.

PUT.  YOURSELF.  FIRST.

If you are running on empty then nothing is going to happen.  Is it?  I know this, you know this deep down too. Summer is not about how to drown yourself in guilt or bury your head in the sand of overwhelm.  It’s supposed to be good for you too.  When you put yourself first EVERYTHING will be better, easier, more fun.  Imagine that.  When you have a summer with more energy, more calm and more (actually) getting done!  So take some time for you to refuel your energy levels, look after yourself, allow time to do the ABC and look forward to a stress free summer.

Does this help you?  Let me know in the comments space below or drop me an email or pop over to share on my Facebook Page.

Whenever I work with people in my therapy room I always give them my Top 3 Tools to Help You Through Your Day.  I firmly believe that anyone coming to see me, whatever their reason, can always benefit from having tools that can be incorporated into everyday life to reduce stress, anxiety and tension that can build up.  I also want these tools be easy and discreet to add in.  Otherwise who on earth would use them – not me!  So certainly not you, or anyone else!!

Why bother?

Well, we live in a world where stresses and strains become commonplace in our daily lives.  This builds up anxiety, stress and tension throughout our whole bodies.  Having something as a way of releasing or counterbalancing these can be very effective and helpful.

My 3 top tools to reduce stress and anxiety in your daily life

1. Breathe

When we are anxious or stressed, our breathing becomes shallow.  We need to get it deeper down into our bodies, all the way down to our stomach.  A breathing technique can help do that.  Breathing deeply also creates a calming feeling by releasing endorphins and so reducing stress in the body.

2. Relax

We also tense up our bodies when we are stressed or anxious.  We don’t always realise we are doing this, so having a way to actively and consciously relax the body is a great tool to have.

3. Feel Happy

I blogged a little while ago about the benefits of having a happy place. (I was delighted it got a mention in the Top Sante Magazine).  However, it doesn’t have to be woo-hoo happy, it can be somewhere you feel peaceful or calm.

So, here’s a summary of how to do my Top 3 Tools to help you through your day.

Colour Breathing

Practice as often as possible every day, even when up, about and active if you can.

• Take a long breath in through your nose, then letting it all out through your mouth.
• Imagine breathing in a calming colour (any colour), breath out slowly.
• Imagine that calm inward breath going round your body.
• Think of a colour that represents any stress / tension / worry / anxiety.
• As you breathe out imagining the air is this colour.
• So, breathing in calmly, deeply, breathing out your tension.

Continue until you feel more calm or your breathing has slowed.

Body Relaxation

Set aside 10 minutes (or more) and find somewhere comfortable.

Close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing.  Then think about relaxing, calming or resting each area of your body.  Take your time working your way from head to toe (or toe to head if you prefer).

(If you really struggle, get someone to read this to you.)

• Think about top of your head. Imagine relaxing your head.
• Imagine relaxing or smoothing out your face.
• Move to your neck and shoulders (maybe shrug a little if necessary)
• Move down to your arms, one at a time or together
• Relaxing down to your hands and fingers
• Imagine relaxing your chest, back and stomach
• Move your attention to your legs, thighs, knees, ankles.
• Relax your feet and your toes.

Scan your body again and notice how different it feels.

Your Peaceful or Happy Place

Think of somewhere that makes you feel peaceful, happy, calm, safe (or some other positive feeling). This place can be real or imaginary! It doesn’t have to be in your house or nearby.

• Take 5 minutes or so to sit somewhere comfortable.
• Think of a place where you are completely relaxed, feeling happy or safe or calm
• Imagine it vividly – colours, sounds, textures, temperature, smells – everything.
• Notice how you feel in this place. Are you happy, calm or relaxed.
• Notice where, in your body, you feel these happy or calm feelings.
• Give this place a name or a title.

Regardless of where you are, whatever you are doing, practice thinking of or saying this name or title and notice those good feelings flowing around your mind and body.

If you’d like these tools in an e-book with a free audio too, pop your details in the box below.

If you are a regular reader of my blogs you will probably have noticed that I often talk about visualising or visualization.  A lot of other people also talk about it too, but do you what exactly it is – or do you know how to do it or even – what’s the point of visualizing?

Well, many people are visualising each and every day to help them with general day to day life, or for health issues.  Some people just use visualising here and there in their lives, or for specific times or situations.  So to help you decide what’s the point of visualising, here are some tips and reasons.

Brain Power

Research has shown that the brain cannot distinguish between real and imaginary.  Really!  So whether we actually do something, or visualise doing something, or brains believe we’ve actually done it.  So, let’s say you visualise calmly and confidently taking your driving test, functioning in the exact way you really want to be able to do it.  Then when it comes to actually taking your test, your brain believes you’ve already done it the way you visualised. To your brain it’s already an established memory, so it’s so much easier to do the test with calm confidence.  You can see how this can apply to all sorts of things!

Feel Empowered

When you visualise being the way you wish to be – calm, confident, healthy, strong, energized (and lots more) it can really help you to feel empowered. You really begin to get a sense of control over your life or certain situations.

With health situations it shifts the power away from doctors, hospitals, medicine and drugs (they have their place, of course).  It helps to feel a sense of control and that a person can cope / feel calm / be positive with situation or circumstances around the illness or health issues.

Self-Belief

When you start to see the positive effects of visualising, as I’ve mentioned above, and you begin to feel capable and empowered.  Then the sense of self control begins to grow within you.   So then it helps you to develop a greater belief in yourself and your own abilities.  You can really begin to feel able to do the things you want to do, in the way you want to do them.   Belief has enormous power for change!  Think about a time when you believed in yourself and how easy it was to be successful or achieve that goal.

We can always harness a little (or even a lot) more self-belief, so harnessing the belief in the point of visualising and how it can help is going to be a good thing!

“The future depends on what we do in the present”

Mahatma Ghandi

How to Visualise

You don’t have to be great at seeing pictures in your mind.  Some people just have a sense of how they want to be, others have a vague picture.  Some imagine a scene on a kind of screen in front, others imagine being in the actual scene.  Any way is fine, whatever is best for you.

1.  Set your sights.

Write down or think of a few bullet points about what your goal is.  Get really clear on this, no vague or wishy-washy desires here.  Be specific.

2.  Think about Thoughts.

Identify how you want to think.  A couple of positive phrase such as I am confident, I can do this, I am OK

3.  Filter your Feelings.

Identify how you want to feel.  Where in your body do you want to feel this?  Feelings could be about being happy, comfortable, steady, strong.

4.  Be Aware of Your Body.

Remember body language is hugely beneficial to how we respond.  So how would your body want to look, be, respond.  Is it shoulder back, a steady hand, head held high, smile on face?

5.  Set Aside Time

• Make sure you have a few minutes, or longer to be free of distraction so you can focus on this and nothing else.
• Bring up your picture
• Add in the positive thoughts, the feelings, the body language and posture
• Really enhance all these. Imagine turning up the intensity or the brightness or volume.
• Bring in all the sensory details, sights, sounds, smells, taste or touch if applicable.
• Pay attention to the detail of your thoughts, feelings and actions.
• Play through the scene in your mind a few times until it looks or feels how you want it to be.

I’d love to know if this helps your self belief, empowerment in any way.  Do please let me know in the comments space below or drop me an email or pop over to share on my Facebook Page.

Hi, I’m Emma, Hypnotherapist in York with a particular interest in helping you with anxiety, stress, fears and phobias so that you can take back control of your thoughts and feelings.  That way you can quickly and easily feel more able to cope with your busy life! There are no magic wands or quick fixes instead I give you personalised tools that work for you and fit with your lifestyle.

Knowing ways to feel grounded is an essential skill that we all need to have at some point or other in our lives.  Some of us need it more than others, some of us struggle with it more than others.  In this fast paced world we are often a bit all-over-the-place.  Maybe feeling easily distracted, flighty, anxious, stressed, a bit wobbly, feeling, emotional, tearful and lot more.  All of these mean we could benefit from knowing how to feel grounded.  That’s OK if you feel like that.  The trick is to recognise when you need to feel grounded and, more importantly, what you can do about it.

So what exactly is “being grounded” all about?

It’s a bit more grown up than your parents saying you have to stay in for a week for misbehaving!!  It’s about being totally connected with yourself, connected with ground, with earth.  Now I’m not going all tree-huggy on you – honestly!  It’s being aware of yourself, of your mind and body and feeling balanced or calm or steady, regardless of what’s happening with your or your circumstances.  I know I said I’m not being tree-huggy, but think of a tree.  It’s strong and steady, can move in the breeze but stay firmly rooted and (usually) withstand anything that comes along.  It would be good if you can feel like that too – right?

My 25 Top Tips to Feel Grounded

There are some really quick and easy ways to feel grounded that you can incorporate into your everyday life.  There are also others that mean taking a bit of time but can also be incredibly good too.  Overall, it’s about using all of your senses to being in touch with or connect to things around you.  That way you can reconnect to present time, present place, present circumstances.

1. Affirmations, talking positively to yourself with calm or comforting phrases really helps focus
2. Baking is very sensory with textures, smells, tastes as well as focussing the mind on the task
3. Barefoot walking, noticing how the ground feels, engaging with nature and very sensory
4. Chocolate, had to be in there somewhere didn’t it! I know people often use chocolate and that’s fine, just don’t overload on it.
5. Citrus enhances your taste buds, so have a lemon drink or an orange as it stimulates your brain.
6. Coffee, that saying “wake up and smell the coffee” is there for a reason!
7. Counting, any counting is good, but backwards from 100, minus 7 is kinda challenging and so focusses the mind on that, rather than everything else!
8. Dance, it’s great exercise and boosts the feel-good chemicals
9. Deep Breathing creates a calming feeling throughout your body
10. Disconnect the technology. You don’t have to do it for long, disconnecting helps you to reconnect with yourself
11. Gardening, very sensory with touch, smell, colours, textures, even exercise of digging or weeding allowing the mind to just flow.
12. Have a massage. OK it takes a bit more planning usually but is still great.
13. Moisturise, rub moisturiser into your hands using deep pressure and slow rub of hands is quick and effective.
14. Perfume or aftershave, really great at invigorating and lifting us, or even reminding us of time or place
15. Pray if that’s your thing, it’s still about focus, belief and offloading
16. This is more stress reducing and grounding that you might realise!
17. Running is what some people like to do to give themselves space, time to think and focus
18. Self Hypnosis, or meditation where you stop and think about each part of your body, work from head to toe or vice versa.
19. Singing encourages deep breathing and calms or invigorates you. It doesn’t have to public!
20. Sleep, take a power nap or go to bed early and catch up on sleep
21. Take a Shower, noticing how the water feels on various parts of your body
22. Visualise yourself being connected with earth, being strong and steady or being the way you wish to be.
23. Walking, go walk the dog if you have one or just take yourself off for 10 minutes or longer
24. Write a journal or diary. Getting things out of your head and on paper is great.
25. Yoga is great for breathing, focus, body awareness.

So that’s my tips.  Are there any in there that you already do or even ones that you think you could do easily?  I’d love to know what you do and if you can add any more that help you.

Let me know in the comments space below or drop me an email or pop over to share on my Facebook Page.